A SAD ENDING, HE TOOK HIS LIFE ,CAUSE HIS AMPUTATION

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Posted by Jose Ornelas on September 12, 19104 at 18:02:21:


This Message was posted ----------------- Am I the only one ------------------- - Mark 14:09:55 6/23/104 (14) In the Board ,

Sometimes it feels like I am the only above knee amputee that realizes just how bad this is. It is everyday, all day, and for the next 40 years or so. Why does it seem that everyone wants to proclaim to the world how much they can do with an artificial limb, come on, its a passive system consisting of nothing more than a thimble and a fancy hinge (even with a c-leg). Is there other people out there who just don't want to live like this? It has been over a year and I have come to understand that this horrible feeling of being trapped inside this flesh will persist until the day that I die. I guess a persons activity level before becoming an amputee has alot to do with it, if you did everthing imaginable from skydiving to scubadiving, then it feels like you will never ENJOY using your body again. I realize that with time the prosthesis will become easier, but it will always feel like something your dragging around and I dont even want to get started on all the problems associated with sockets and a lifetime of adjustments. Many people have no idea what the future might hold but as an amputee you know that waking every day will be the same and not being able to just roll out of bed and walk ANYWHERE is like a life prison sentence. Are people so afraid of death that they just choose to exist because they feel they have no choice? I am completly certain that I do not want to exist like this, the most terribe part is that despite dying three times after the accident, it is now I that has to end my life. I wonder how many other amputee's have decided the same, this is very hard and I don't want people to tell me things will get better. Life is a learning experience and a person should know thyself. If you do and you comprehend how this will affect the rest of your life, then why is it that everyone must assume you have live in a way you were not designed to. Please do not respond to this with all the uplifting words that people feel compelled to offer, it simply does not change how I will continue to feel. There are just to many things you truly cannot enjoy as an amputee and for many of us, that was our life.

I e-mailed him few times trying to help, even we have a very short conversation by phone.
but the last e-mail I recieved was from his friend saying this :
From: "Mark Koskowski" View Contact Details
To: "jose ornelas"
Subject: Re: ???????????? If only I knew
Date: Sun, 12 Sep 2004 09:32:10 -0400



On August 29th, Mark was found peacefull in his bed, for months he looked for the least violent way to pursue the choice he had made. He used a opiate overdose with affixiation, he went with out pain, and he is not suffering any more, he is with God now and on a new journey, I have kinown Mark for 17 yrs, I wish he could have lived more then anything, but it just coudnt be. Please no this was a rational choice, well thought threw. Pray for him to have spiritual growth and guidance and most of all that he has his Wings back. Thank you for your cocern.

Maria
Friend
----- Original Message -----
From: jose ornelas
Sent: Tuesday, September 07, 2004 6:28 PM
To: Mark Koskowski
Subject: Re: ???????????? If only I knew

how , what happen??????????

Mark Koskowski wrote: Sorry, Mark passed away Sunday, my name is Maria long term friend..

----- Original Message -----
From: jose ornelas
Sent: Friday, August 27, 2004 9:48 PM
To: Mark Koskowski
Subject: Re: ???????????? If only I knew

HEY HOW'S LIFE?



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